I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
