I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
