This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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