it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
