I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
