we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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