There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
