Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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