ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
