i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
