worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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