So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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