i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
