i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
