no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
