Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
