I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
