I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Come share oat with me in your robe
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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