OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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