You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
