This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
