When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
