I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
