He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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