I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
