So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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