She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We were destined to go to rehab together
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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