oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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