this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
