WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
