I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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