Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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