We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
