yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
