I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
