I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All I want is dick and wine.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
