i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
