I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
