the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
