Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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