i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
