Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
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