My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I am available for nakedness
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
