Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
