look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
