her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
