Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
