im six kinds of drunk right now
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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