Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
