I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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