You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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