this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Even my vagina gasped.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
