He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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